Jessica Walsh

Did you see Timothy today?
Yes.

What did y’all do together?
Another therapy session.

Did anything interesting happen?
Jocelyn asked us what we thought would happen after the experiment ended. I don’t think it will work out unless Tim is ready to change, unless he’s interested in dating me exclusively. I know his past relationship patterns too well. I know he likes to date around, and I know he’s likes the idea of new girls. I want more than that.

Did you learn anything new about Timothy?
Jocelyn asked Tim what he thought would happen once the experiment was over, and if he would like to continue to date me. Tim said he hadn’t thought about it yet. How can this have not yet crossed his mind? Men.

That being said, I am not worried or stressed about what might happen. I am definitely becoming more relaxed and tolerant of all this uncertainty. No sense in worrying, it’s not going to help anything. What will be will be.

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Did you learn anything new about yourself?
Tim said he was worried about the idea of dating me after the 40 days are over, since I have a pretty intense amount of work-related travel coming up. He said he’s tried the long distance thing before and it didn’t work out. I talked to Jocelyen about my intense work / travel / teaching / lecture schedule coming up in the next month, and how that might impact a relationship. She suggested that perhaps it’s not the best time for me to be in a relationship. It reminded me of an email from my ex who broke my heart.

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How do you feel about this relationship/project right now?
Like many other New Yorkers, I’ve fallen into the busy trap. I’ve put my work before my relationships, my personal needs, and even my health. I believe my workaholic tendencies can be attributed largely to a genuine love and passion for what I do. It’s truly the most interesting thing in my life right now. But maybe there’s more to it than that.

Is there anything that you want to do differently?
I discussed in therapy how I don’t want to be that girl who is always “too busy.” I want to set aside more time for my friends, my family, a relationship, and myself. This experiment has forced me to take time away from work each day, and while it can be stressful, I think it’s been good. I want to continue to make time for all the relationships in my life.

I also want to face conflict more often. Jocelyn said she left the last therapy session feeling angry about how Tim spoke to me. She said I should fight back instead of internalizing negative comments. We discussed how my aversion to conflict and my desire to please people I care about affects my relationships. I used to stand up for myself more, but lately I’ve been avoiding conflict. She asked me to think back on past relationships.

I think this can be partially traced back to a relationship I had last year. Jocelyn said that perhaps I am now scared to confront conflict out of fear of losing people close to me. She said this conflict-free strategy does not help myself or others. She reminded us that a relationship that can’t stand up to conflict is not worth staying in at all.

Additional comments?
At the end of therapy, Tim said “as long as Jessie’s happy, I am happy.” That was sweet. He hailed a cab for me, we gave each other a hug and kiss, and I headed back to the office.

Day Thirty   /   lettering by Joe Marianek

Timothy Goodman

Did you see Jessica today?
Yep.

What did y’all do together?
We met for our weekly therapy session.

Did anything interesting happen?
Jocelyn was grilling us as usual. We talked about the sex. We talked about the fact that we’ve been more intimate recently. We talked about what all this means going forward. Jocelyn challenged us to start thinking about what’s going to happen when this project ends in 10 days. Do we want to continue dating or do we want to stop?

Honestly, I have no clue. Jessie said that she is preparing for things to be over between us. She thinks I’m going to call it off after the 40 days are over. I don’t necessarily agree with that. I do feel resistant to promising anything too definitive, though. I just want to go with the flow, keep it light, have a Coke and a smile and enjoy what’s going on here. Is that so bad? Is that me just being a coward?

Did you learn anything new about Jessica?
Jocelyn told Jessie that she’s non-confrontational to a fault. She said that she doesn’t fight back and stand up for things in a relationship. She said that Jessie interprets remarks about her as the truth, rather as an opinion. Jessie is a very smart, resilient, confident woman, and she should fight back!

Jocelyn also mentioned that it’s not a good time for Jessie to be in a relationship because of her health issues and her work schedule. She said that Jessie should handle this stuff first. Lord knows I have my issues, so I’m not trying to judge. But I know I’m okay with mystery and uncertainty, while Jessie isn’t so much. But she has been much better the last week!

Did you learn anything new about yourself?
Jocelyn said I’m going to have to eventually let a woman in, that I can’t keep my life on only my terms all the time. This may sound obvious or ridiculous to you — but right now, it feels like such a foreign concept. Over the last couple years I have absolutely loved my freedom, my job, and the fact that I can do whatever I want, whenever I want, with whomever I want. It has become increasingly addictive. And yet, deep down, I know Jocelyn is right. I’m going to have to share my life at some point. And I will when I meet the right person. When I used to paint homes for a living in my early 20s, our foreman would always yell, “I have a wife, not a life!” It always scared the hell out of me, even if I knew it was all malarkey.

Wife

How do you feel about this relationship/project right now?
I feel really good! It’s been a fun, solid week for Jessie and me.

Is there anything that you want to do differently?
Not today.

Additional comments?
Without knowing, we both wore blue pants today.

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