Day Two
Jessica Walsh
Did you see Timothy today?
Yes, briefly.
What did y’all do together?
We went to our first couples therapy session together. I go to therapy on my own, and have always enjoyed it. Life passes by so quickly, and I like having an hour a week to reflect in an attempt to learn and grow from it all.
Did anything interesting happen?
The psychologist brought up many topics we wouldn’t have talked about on our own. She asked us straight away if Tim and I were attracted to each other. This is something we’ve never discussed, although we have been flirtatious with each other in the past. After some awkward glances, we both admitted that we do find each other attractive.
She then asked why we’ve never tried dating in the four years we’ve known each other. Tim immediately rattled out numerous reasons:
1. He’s not at a place in his life where he wants to settle down.
2. He loves the freedom of the single life.
3. He doesn’t like how I spend money.
4. He sees it as a weakness that I love love.
5. He’s afraid of his commitment issues and doesn’t want to hurt me since he respects me.
6. He doesn’t want to risk our friendship.
Did you learn anything new about Timothy?
I didn’t realize that my spending bothered Tim! I know I don’t have as much savings as he does, but I’ve always supported myself financially, and I don’t mind spending on great experiences.
I don’t place value on the size of someone’s bank account or material possessions. I’ve been in relationships with guys both rich and poor, and a guys wealth does not interest me. I learned early on that money does not make me happy. There are actually statistics that show that salary increase only make people happier until basic needs of food and water are met. After this is met (around $50,000 to $70,000 per year for a family), an increase in salary does not positively increase a person’s happiness.
Did you learn anything new about yourself?
Tim seems extremely overwhelmed by the idea of having to see me every day for this project. He almost had a panic attack when I sent him a list of date ideas for the next week! I do love to plan things and have a schedule. However, I also greatly enjoy spontaneity. So I’ll plan for more spontaneity.
How do you feel about this relationship/project right now?
So far so good.
Is there anything that you want to do differently?
In therapy we talked about how I am extremely picky about who I date. However, when I do decide I really like someone, I am quick to jump into a relationship in order to test it out and see how it goes. I become extremely invested in people and things that I care about, which can cause me to fall for someone quickly. Tim thinks I should be more cautious…
Additional comments?
Tim is right, I do love love. I’ve wondered where the feelings actually come from, so I did some reading about it tonight. Apparently, the feeling of falling in love is wired in us to help the survival of our species. While sexual desire exists to make sure we pop out babies, the feelings of love exists to promote bonding and pairing between mates to increase the survival rate of the children.
Love is not a matter of the heart, it’s all in our brain. Chemicals like dopamine and norepinephrine are released when in love. The chemicals increases energy, increases focus, and helps make us feel fucking awesome all the time. In fact, research shows brain activity in love is almost identical to our brain activity on cocaine.
Timothy Goodman
Did you see Jessica today?
Yes.
What did y’all do together?
We went to our first therapy session together. I think it was a bit soon for this, but our therapist Jocelyn wanted to have a consultation first.
Did anything interesting happen?
Jocelyn hit us with a TON of questions that I’m not sure either of us were prepared to talk about so quickly with her:
1. Why are you doing this project?
2. What is the goal of this project?
3. Why don’t you just really date each other?
4. Do you want to date each other?
5. Are you ready to be hurt?
6. What happens if you screw up your friendship?
And on and on and on! I almost had a panic attack. However, neither Jessie or I would have talked about this stuff so soon without having the therapist as a soundboard. I think it was helpful. I spent five years seeing a therapist, so this isn’t strange to me. Jessie is currently in therapy, so it’s all good with her too. However, this couples thing doesn’t feel natural or easy.
Did you learn anything new about Jessica?
Jessie didn’t like that I talked about how we approach money differently. I wasn’t being critical, nor do I think it’s a big deal. But I do save money, while I think she spends. I’m a product of growing up with out any money, so now that I make some money, I get nervous and like to save.
Did you learn anything new about yourself?
I get uncomfortable talking about what could happen in the next 40 days. I’m not worried about the unknown, but about us falling into our usual roles, and how we deal with that.
How do you feel about this relationship/project right now?
I was wondering the whole time during therapy, “Wait, why are we doing this?!” As Jocelyn said today, “emotions know no project boundaries.”
Is there anything that you want to do differently?
I was sort of freaking out after therapy. I was texting with one of my best friends, Greg in Chicago, and he told me to just have fun with it. So, I want to make sure I just have fun with it.
Additional comments?
I was thinking about some of my buddies who are in a relationship that doesn’t completely stimulate them. So many men and women accept this standard, it’s no wonder why half of all marriages end in divorce. Are we so desperate for companionship that we’ll compromise our happiness? Are we afraid to go after what we really deserve? And why don’t we realize this until it’s too late?
