Day Fourteen   /   lettering by Julia Rothman

Jessica Walsh

Did you see Timothy today?
Briefly.

What did y’all do together?
We grabbed a coffee at The Grey Dog, a cafe in Chelsea.

Did anything interesting happen?
I finally got the official diagnosis from my doctor:
clusterheadache
Lovely, right? I did feel somewhat relieved that the description at least touches on the absolute hell I’ve been experiencing the past few weeks.

I tried to talk to Tim about how this project is becoming an additional layer of stress in my life. I just can’t handle this while I’m experiencing my recent health issues. I asked him if we could just call the project “14 Days of Dating” and end it. He sort of laughed off my suggestions, pulled out his Moleskin, and had me fill out a PROS and CONS list about whether or not we should continue the project.

Jessie_Pros-5

Did you learn anything new about Timothy?
I didn’t realize until today how different our work situations are. He works for himself, and at the moment, his schedule is relaxed. I work with a team of people in a studio environment with a more consistent workflow. It’s very difficult for me to make time to see him every day.

Did you learn anything new about yourself?
Tim and I talked about my “all or nothing” outlook in life and in relationships. I like to do things 100% or not at all. However, I know life isn’t always black and white, and whether I like it or not, this relationship is forcing me to accept shades of grey.

How do you feel about this relationship/project right now?
I’m already overwhelmed and this relationship isn’t helping. Around lunchtime, we were chatting on instant messenger. I became busy with a client call, and I had to get some art files out to the printer. Our chat window became buried behind layers of documents, and I didn’t check it for a couple hours. When I did, I was greeted with this:

timichat4

Is there anything that you want to do differently?
I’ve read scientific studies that say if I pretend I’m in a good mood, or if I fake a smile, I can actually trick my brain into making me feel better. Well I tried it today, and I am sad to say that it does not work.

Additional comments?
No, not today.

Day Fourteen   /   lettering by Leland Maschmeyer

Timothy Goodman

Did you see Jessica today?
Awkwardly, yes.

What did y’all do together?
We met at Grey Dog for breakfast. Funny enough, we tried to meet here right after we first met 4 years ago. Evidently, she thought I was hitting on her back then — which I was actually NOT doing. I really liked Jessie when I met her, and I respected her work. I just wanted to get to know her better.

greydogcateringcard

Did anything interesting happen?
We talked about our “relationship,” but everything about our conversation felt so heavy. It was full of innuendos and cryptic bullshit. I felt like we just needed to be more honest with each other. I took out my notebook, ripped out a couple sheets of paper, and I suggested that we write “pros” and “cons” about this project/relationship. It’s always easier to be honest on paper, but I don’t think this really changed anything.

Tim_Pros

Did you learn anything new about Jessica?
She’s always too busy, too stressed, and ultimately too serious these days. I know the headaches are getting worse, and now she has insomnia, too. I feel really bad for her—and on top of it all, she’s under a lot of pressure at work. When I worked at Apple, I would rush home to do freelance work until 2 AM every night. I was always putting pressure on myself. Jessie does the same thing. She’ll do whatever it takes to be in control, and she certainly doesn’t like it when someone worries about her. She reminds me of my mother that way. My mom would lie to us about her health if it meant no one would worry about her.

Did you learn anything new about yourself?
I feel a lot of pressure from Jessie. I like a bit of uncertainty, and I like living in the questions. I don’t like having to live up to some idea, or to fulfill some expectation, though. I don’t think she even realizes she’s doing it. The whole situation is making me feel very unsettled, and she wonders why I’m being so wishy-washy.

How do you feel about this relationship/project right now?
After two weeks, I feel much closer to her, much more intimate, and I’m attracted to her. On many levels, I am enjoying this. However, because of what’s going on with her, I do feel vulnerable. When I got back to the studio, I saw this movie trailer with a voice-over that said, “To commit yourself is to run the risk of betrayal, the risk of failure.” Seriously, Universe?

Is there anything that you want to do differently?
I just want us to find some sort of normalcy. We’ve been over-analyzing everything, and getting way too serious about stuff lately. The parameters of this experiment seem to be backlashing on us. If this is what it’s going to be until the end, then kill me right now.

Additional comments?
It never struck me until today, but Jessie sorta has an Eddie Murphy laugh! (In a cute girl-way, of course.)