Day Sixteen   /   lettering by Andrei Robu

Jessica Walsh

Did you see Timothy today?
No.

What did y’all do together?
We tried to meet up to discuss the end of the project. However, I had another doctor’s appointment and had to work very late on client work at the studio. We talked on the phone a few times throughout the day instead.

Did anything interesting happen?
Tim sounded extremely sad and disappointed that I wanted to end the project. At times in the conversation he sounded vulnerable and insecure. He doesn’t want to let go, he really wants us to make it through the full 40 days. As the conversation progressed, the guilt of quitting on him started to eat away at me.

doitdontquit

I also couldn’t help but remind myself that his fear of abandonment is very real, and this is just adding to the guilt. Even if this isn’t a romantic relationship, I don’t want to abandon him. I gave him my word, and I want to honor my commitment. But things are not okay, and we both need to figure it out. It reminds me of this saying: “In the end, everything will be okay. If it’s not okay, it’s not yet the end.”

I called him late tonight to let him know I was willing to push through and continue with the project if he was, too. He said he was.

Did you learn anything new about Timothy?
Tim continues to be wishy-washy around the romantic possibilities between us. He’s continues to show signs of interest through flirtation, but when I try to reciprocate, he pulls back. It’s confusing.

Did you learn anything new about yourself?
His ambiguity stirs up some insecurities on my end, too. If I like a guy and he’s interested, then that’s great! If not, I move on. I don’t need to chase him. It’s not possible to move on in the context of this bizarre experiment, though. I have to see him for another 24 days, so my mind just wanders in circles. He says he wants to change and settle down, and he says he’s interested in me, so then what is the hold up? Is he really that afraid? Is he looking for something that I don’t have? Why do I care so much?

How do you feel about this relationship/project right now?
I’m now 100% committed to finishing the experiment with Tim.

Is there anything that you want to do differently?
I need to become more comfortable with ambiguity. And I need to let go of the hopes that this could turn into something more.

Additional comments?
The doctor gave me a new medication to try. I want to stay positive about it all. Like other shitty things in life, I am confident this too shall pass.

Day Sixteen   /   lettering by Michael Freimuth

Timothy Goodman

Did you see Jessica today?
Nope.

What did y’all do together?
Jessie called me late last night and asked me if I still wanted to do the project. I told her I was obviously still up for it, but she needs to be sure.

Did anything interesting happen?
We agreed to just focus on each other. We tried to hang, but she was working late, and I had a dinner with my studio manager. Which is fine. I think it’s good to let the emotions simmer down before we start up again.

Did you learn anything new about Jessica?
I really think she’s crazy. And I really think it’s turning me on.

Crazy

Did you learn anything new about yourself?
Sometimes it’s hard for me to let things go. All day I was thinking about what Jessie’s friends said yesterday. I have to live with the consequences of my actions, but hearing this brings new perspective. I’m thankful for it.

How do you feel about this relationship/project right now?
Jessie and me against the world!

Is there anything that you want to do differently?
I have to give her more certainty and intimacy, and I hope she can get some help with her headaches and insomnia. We need to find some sort of balance or we’ll never make it.

Additional comments?
I told my buddy Greg that the project was back on. He gave me a much needed laugh.

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