Day Twenty-One   /   lettering by Liz Meyer

Jessica Walsh

Did you see Timothy today?
Yes.

What did y’all do together?
My day was packed with tight deadlines, and I knew I’d be working late, so we met up for lunch by my office at a restaurant called Trailer Park. I used to come here once a week with my friend Michael to talk about life. There is something about the combination of their comfort food and potent margaritas that makes you really honest.

trailerparkmatchbooknew

Did anything interesting happen?
Tim was in a great mood. He was laid back, didn’t have a lot of work, and was enjoying a book in the sunny 80° weather. The book Tim was reading is about archetypes of men and women. Tim thinks I fall within the “good girl” role and that I should channel my masculine energy more.

Did you learn anything new about Timothy?
He’s bothered by the fact that I go out of my way to accommodate the people I care about. He thinks I am too forgiving and empathetic, and that I’ve let friends or past lovers take advantage of this. I like to make people that I’m close to feel comfortable and happy. I prefer to let the little things go in any relationship. I don’t like unnecessary conflict or drama.

When I give in to him, he says I have no backbone and that I should stand up for myself. But he’s bothered when I stand up for myself and ask for what I want. He definitely likes to be the one in control of a relationship. Lately I feel like no matter what I do or say, I can’t win with Tim.

Did you learn anything new about yourself?
Tim’s book about male and female archetypes reminded me of my psychology classes in college. I was fascinated by Carl Jung’s theories of archetypes and the collective unconscious. Jung defined twelve primary types that each have their own set of values. His book Psychological Types was eventually put to practical use through the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, which is a questionnaire designed to measure how people perceive the world. I just took the test, and I am the INFJ (Introverted Intuition with Extraverted Feeling) type.

INFJ_Relationships-small

How do you feel about this relationship/project right now?
I discovered extensive writing about these various archetypes and how we approach love and relationships. They even tell you which psychological types are a good love match. Here are my results. Apparently, I would be best suited with a ENTP or an ENFP. Tim is an ENJF. Apparently INFJ’s and ENFJ’s are better as friends than as lovers.

INFJmatches

Is there anything that you want to do differently?
My results say that INFJs seek intense and meaningful relationships which are long-term. I wonder, is part of our approach to love embedded in our personalities? How much can we really change? Do I even want to change? What is so wrong about seeking a healthy, committed relationship?

Additional comments?
I was quiet at lunch because I had another headache attack. I felt badly that I couldn’t engage more with Tim. I usually try my best to avoid telling Tim about the headaches. He was annoyed with me for being aloof, so I had to tell him. I don’t like to complain or put to negative energy onto others. Just because I am in pain, doesn’t mean I need to be one.

Day Twenty-One   /   lettering by Gavin Potenza

Timothy Goodman

Did you see Jessica today?
Yes.

What did y’all do together?
We met for a quick lunch. I came over by her work, and we ended up going to this funny place called Trailer Park that’s decorated like . . . a trailer park. We split a BLT and an order of tater tots. Very healthy. Anyway, I was really excited about those tots, and they did not let me down.

Did anything interesting happen?
I was explaining to Jessie about a book I’m reading. I was excited to share it with her. She really didn’t seem interested in discussing it, though — and again, we sat there stuck in a rut, not really talking. I got annoyed about this.

I didn’t learn until later in the lunch that she was having really bad headaches again. Why doesn’t she tell me this stuff? It would be nice to know so I don’t interpret it differently. Instead, I have to delicately wheedle information out of her in order to find out what the hell is really going on. Then, of course, I felt badly for being annoyed with her. I wish I could just help her out with these damn headaches!

Did you learn anything new about Jessica?
While Jessie is a powerhouse professionally, I think she lacks an ability to take control of her romantic relationships. It’s hard for her to confront major relationship issues, since she hates conflict. When she’s in love, she sometimes puts her man before herself, a trait I personally do not find attractive. She can fall in love so hard, and so fast, that I think she is occasionally blinded by shortcomings the relationship or the guy might have.

Some women wait their whole lives to find a “soulmate,” and then they just settle for a guy who’s got a good job, or a guy with a nice apartment, or the guy who will simply stay with them. Jessie is definitely still looking for her soulmate, and I worry about this. I once hung out with a single Jessie one week, gone on a work trip, only to come back the next week and find her totally “in love.” And when it didn’t work out she was devastated.

Heart

I read a lot about mythology, and part of the book I’m reading explains how women and men have both male and female sides/energies inside of them. For instance, a female with a healthy balance of male energy doesn’t worry about being the “good girl” or doing what’s “right.” But if your feminine side is too developed, then there’s no direction in your life. On the other hand, if your male side is too developed, then there’s no meaning behind your direction and you can feel entirely lost. Many old fairy tales touch on this dichotomy and the importance of having a balance of both. I was thinking about this on my way to meet Jessie. In some ways, I think she suffers from this energy imbalance in relationships.

Did you learn anything new about yourself?
It’s easy for me to compartmentalize things in my life, and not let my ‘worlds collide’ like that old Seinfeld episode. Mainly, my creative work is the focal point, and everything else in my life fits around that without much leakage. I know it’s very selfish, but lately I tend to let everything else fall by the wayside. I can already see how I’m just putting Jessie in a little box, not letting her touch the rest of my life. I know this isn’t healthy. I’d like to change it, but I’m not sure how to really do that right now.

Boxes

How do you feel about this relationship/project right now?
During lunch, she mentioned that she feels awkward about hooking up on Saturday. I guess because I haven’t shown her any intimacy since then, and we haven’t talked about it. I don’t feel so weird, and I was open to talking about how she was feeling. I know she’s having these headaches, but she was sulking. There’s no sulking around tater tots!

Is there anything that you want to do differently?
I’m so relaxed about everything, while Jessie thinks about everything so much. I want to be more considerate to how she’s feeling.

Additional comments?
A couple nights ago, Jessie and I were talking about our place in the universe, and the idea of “nothingness.” We’re both curious about what brings real meaning to our lives. It’s shocking how many girls I can date, how long I can date them, and how rarely I ever have a conversation like this with any of them. It was nice.